Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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