my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
