this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
