Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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