wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
