On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
