I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I fill condoms, not promises.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
