when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
