he wants to bone in the snuggie
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she told me i tasted like america
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls