I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?