She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
pray to the hookup gods
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.