you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂