i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals