At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.