Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.

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(469): View more from Texas

She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(919): View more from North Carolina

I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported

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(250): View more from British Columbia

we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.

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(253): View more from Washington

Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?

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