the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.