I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.