i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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