I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
