Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
