I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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