Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
