Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
