WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
