just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There was a lot of him and a little penis
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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