Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
