He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize