Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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