Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
