Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am mentally ready for anal.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
