the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
