Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
