Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
