he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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