Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
