She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
