Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
