There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
