I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
