Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
