I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
