its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
