Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
