we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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