you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
