Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We need to rekindle our bromance
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
