Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
