evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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