I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
