I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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