you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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