I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
