What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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