There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
