i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
