Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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