let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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