chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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