Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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