shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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