good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
