So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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