That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
