I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
