why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
