I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
