Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
