barbara walters just said penis...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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