I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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