haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
