somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
