Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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