I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
