Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
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Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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