Me too!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
