The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She bit a glass in half.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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