Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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